Are you using your sense of humour to hide behind complicated emotions?
The short answer is: Maybe. And a lot of people are.
I tried to get away from always posting jokes about nutrition and wellness on my blog because I felt like the humour was kind of a facade for someone that isn’t ready to take themselves seriously and it reminded me of someone that says “lol” at the end of every sentence because they’re uncomfortable just saying what they want to say.
To me, humour was almost becoming a sign of weakness, like, tell me if there’s anything more unattractive in the world than a sarcastic middle-aged white man.
I realized there was a very big difference, through none other than *drumroll* divine intervention! When I started pulling tarot cards, I found myself laughing out loud more than once. I started getting to know that my guides communicated to me in such a comical playful way that they were almost cheeky which lightened the mood when I was thinking of a darker subject. Then I started to notice that messages that come through me the most easily when someone is coming to me for help, are usually light and funny. So for months, I’ve been trying to shush up this naturally abundant sense of humour bubbling inside of me so that I could be taken more seriously… not only in terms of spirituality and nutrition but also in my day job. Going against yourself does not feel good. It feels heavy and lumpy in your throat.
Well okay so, now that I know humour is a legitimate tool, and laughter is medicine, yada yada… I had to differentiate what toxic humour looks like.
Saying you were just kidding after saying something mean:
- We all know there’s some truth behind it if that was where your mind went. Saying something racist or discriminatory or just plain vanilla ice cream rude cannot be covered by a just kidding, and if you have to say that you’re just kidding so that people aren’t offended – it’s not funny.
Self-Deprecating Humour:
- Nothing makes me cringe than jokes about oneself. I was really bad for this 5+ years ago. I would call myself stupid, broke, unorganized, trashy, lush. I would constantly make jokes about how I had a bad taste in men and how I don’t have my shit together. That’s not really the same thing as “owning it”. If I could have owned it and admitted to someone like hey, I’m really not doing well financially, and it’s not funny and I need some guidance. If I could have stopped speed-dating for 5 seconds to ask myself why I despise myself so much that I keep getting into abusive relationships, instead of making jokes about it, maybe I could have broken the pattern sooner. I really don’t think to make jokes about yourself is okay, and unfortunately, it really spreads like wildfire because of meme culture. Don’t get me wrong, I can poke fun at myself for drinking too much coffee and say “same” about going for a third coffee when I know I shouldn’t, but it’s the bad ones like, “Shoot me: $12” that has to stop.
My own personal examples are probably a little more extreme than what I’m trying to get across, generally speaking, so I came up with a few more examples of how we might be hiding behind verbal irony.
“Oh, just living the dream.” = I fucking hate my job but I don’t know how to get out of it, I have bills.
“Life’s too short to eat healthily.” = I wouldn’t know where to start, it feels like everything gives you cancer nowadays.
“I’m scared of saying anything, everyone is offended so easily.” = I’m deflecting because times are changing and society is evolving and I don’t like being corrected, it hurts me to think that I’ve been unintentionally hurting someone with my words.
I could give you tons of examples but we can already see that sarcasm is covering up a feeling of inadequacy from a fear of vulnerability. This is why I say, GET HELP. Vulnerability is the coolest trait that the millennial generation is bringing to the table and it’s perfectly acceptable to go out there and say “I don’t really know where to start with _________, what do you think?” Asking the right person is a whole other topic, but I will summarize it as: Ask a professional.
The fear is that we will be ridiculed for admitting that we’re not strong enough to handle everything ourselves but that’s truly not the way humans are designed. We are supposed to lean on each other but the world is so off-balance and dominated by male energy that the feminine, nurturing, communal energy that is so desperately needed is viewed as weak. Women are being forced into “provider” roles which require more masculinity and inherently less vulnerability (as prescribed by societal standards) so now we have people competing for who has the least emotion. Sweet.
Luckily, Gen Z is packed with Rainbow Children, for whom us Indigo’s paved the road. This is going to be the most sensitive generation of all. We will see a lot of food allergies and intolerances guiding everyone back to whole foods as well as extreme empathy and clairvoyance guiding everyone back to the community. Monopolies over food like Monsanto’s will crumble under a generation of sensitivity.
Looking at the big picture, it does seem uncalled-for that baby boomers and Gen X were arguably the most emotionally tortured, but maybe it needed to get toxic enough for us to realize that there was a problem. Maybe this is what created the need for Indigo and Crystal children to come in and give everyone a metaphorical hug? This is the same way we can justify how the fuck Donald Trump happened. If he didn’t, the “Me Too” movement would have never happened. This absolutely blazed the trail for us to come forward about how we have been treated and shone a bright light on mass trauma.
Do you know someone that hides behind humour or uses is as a coping mechanism? You can help them by opening your door and making it known that you are a safe, non-judgemental space if they ever feel like they want to talk about it. Some may never but just being open and planting the seed is step 1.
Did I miss anything? Leave your thoughts in the comments section below.